The Walking Wounded

This is a term that God has placed in my head when I think of the mother's among us who have had a child die (for what ever reason) I say this because it matters not how or why a mother is never the same. I can not speak to fathers because none have ever discussed with me or shown me where it hurts.

My biological sister buried and reburied a son, she has never recovered his death at age 22, she never will. Hazel who is near 90 years old tells me there is no healing for a mother who has had a child die, here son died. And Gertrude repeats this and Elease says she thinks of her daughter everyday. I have known these women but until we brought Julia to Seattle because she could not function after burying Susan her daughter who was suppose to come home from work but did not, killed in a car accident. For a month a community of women nursed Julia to a place that at least had her able to get up in the morning. As a Kenyan Julia was much more expressive about her pain and loss than we allow here in Seattle a place where expression and truth are frowned upon.

But in the work of Cultural Reconnection we are getting back to a more natural human dynamic. We have been taught the importance of wailing that is the way that everyone in the community knows that we are bringing this body home to be buried. I have heard wailing both audible and spiritual expressions of it. I awoke today and heard the emotional and spiritual wail of my sister friend Deborah Sullivan.

On Saturday she will join a special society of women - she will bury her 18 year old son Aaron. Like with my sister Beverly, and Julia, I am personally responsible to help this mother weather this storm. She is now among the walking wounded. We can do a better job of caring for these women. Unlike those who do not know the pain, they do not make a difference of how the child died, it matters not they are physically separated from someone they brought into this world and or chose to mother.

We need to learn how to communicate with the walking wounded. When we approach them with our own small maladies and complaints, they can not hear us. As one of the mothers responded when a person was full of reasons for something she was too overwhelmed to do "You did not have to bury your child did you?" enough said.

When a mother chooses to bring purpose to the death of their child in whatever way they find to do, they elevated to wounded warriors the champion of whatever cause they pick.

My husband's aunt displayed the deep spiritual relationship between a mother and her child. She is an older woman and for reason not discussed here has been separated from her children for more than 30 years, no contact at all. This has taken a toll on her. Only my husband and I know of her children and we do not mention them to her. One of her son's died and she had a total meltdown, would not eat, or sleep, she said she was waiting for her son to come to take her to lunch. This lasted for weeks until she was placed in psychiatric care and medicated back to a more functional condition. We still have not told her her son died, we do not have to tell her she knows. This phenomenon and accepting the spiritual relationship between a mother and a human she carried in her womb allows me to be careful.

In this time of youth violence, shootings and suicides we must learn to care for those who are left behind. In the caring of Deborah the newest mother to enter this very select society, I will learn more of this culture of women in the world. The young people among us who are grieving have established a culture for burying their peers. They are instructive and I am without judgment, my generation did not have the experience of going to funerals of our classmates and friends before the age of 40. I have tried to think of who of my friends have died and what age they were. My children's fathers both died at age 40 they were no longer in my life. One of my dearest friends died in her mid 50's too young another in her late 40's we were devastated. So what must a very young person feel? In the case of Aaron's friends some of them went enmass to get tatoos, something tangible they all will have by the grace of God have many years to remember they had a friend a brother for a short time in their lives. They will never forget "Giggles" Friends will come and go, but A.Scully will be right there on their arm and back. I am impressed by this way that they care for each other show emotion, they have not been jaded by the epidemic of youth deaths due to violence or accidents or whatever reason.

Not sure what I am suppose to do with all of this I see and feel, but as always I will stay open to the instruction from a high place and yield without hesitation. Today my instruction was to write and so I have. I am now off to feed the young and the hungry; grief has increased their appetite in a way opposite from how it impacts the older who lose their appetite; interesting.

Elders engage in Cultural Reconnection

Dr. Maxine Mimms who resides in Washington State, and Mama Sarah Obama who resides in Kogelo village Siaya, Nyanza Province, Kenya meet and form a relationship as elders. Dr. Mimms is a Washington Elder of Distinction and Mama Sarah is the grandmother of Pres. Barack Obama. This was an historic and documented meeting of two women whose lives have contributed to making a significant difference in their communities, their countries and the world.

Dr. Mimms has been a teacher to thousands and is the founder of Evergreen State College Tacoma Branch and the Maxine Mimms Academy. Both are located in the Hilltop community which is home to diverse working class and sometimes struggling families. Mama Sarah Obama, who raised the father of Pres. Obama continues to live in the village where she raised Obama Sr. and has contributed to the lives of thousands of Kenyans.

Mama Obama is Luo and prefers speaking her native language Duluo, while Dr. Maxine Mimms an African American speaks only English both clearly understood the joy each other had in this initial meeting. The two met during a visit to the Kogelo home of Mama Sarah while on the 2009 Cultural Reconnection Delegation mission, the meeting was an official visit which has resulted in follow up meetings and visits based on a mutual desire to bring together for mutual benefit the CR Delegates and the women of Kogelo village.

Naptime and it is only 9 am

I was up this morning wired at 4 A.M. so I have worked for 5 hours. Enough! This is what I did. Read interesting stuff, sent to appropriate recipients. managed my Facebook page.

Answered some of the 100 questions Benita asked for the Retreat, she is as manic as I am. lol. I answered several of them before I realized I only had to answer Institute for CR inquiry.

Created a web page for Duonga Women because Petroline has earned this distinction, she is fired up and roaring.

Communicated with my son through his many ventures including the import and private label bicycles made in Japan, free lance illustration and Kinfolk Lounge a neighborhood pub in Japan. One of his friends just became a father, a scary thing for these laid back Kinfolk, who now are uncles. They work in collective action much the way that we do, they are brilliant human beings, fun and global.

Salah lives a life of leisure in Brooklyn in a brownstone with his business and art partner and his wife who is the only one who works, she is Japanese born thus the Japanese connection. www.wegotways.com

Lessons for life

I am told these wisdoms were written By Regina Brett, 90 years old. My friend Stu thought I needed these lessons today, so I read them and thought I would hold on to them in my blog.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.

Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have do not know their journey.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. Don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone for everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34.God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile, and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

46. Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.

kibera A Special Place, A special People

Kibera, Africa’s Largest Slum

The residents of Kibera are all financially poor, relative to Kenya and world economy. However poor is a word you do not hear in Kenyan conversation. Poor is word used for a person without family and all Kenyans have a family. The reports I researched invariably speak of the residents in ways that could leave the average person without hope for the children, their families or their future. Most who know of Kibera, know of it through the many photographs that are easily found in online web albums or attached to articles. This essay details a different view of Kibera. Admittedly, as described in an October 2002, BCC article, Life in Kibera, by East African Correspondent, Andrew Harding, Kibera smells; “Wood fires, fried fish, excrement, rubbish - the rich stench of 800,000 people living in a ditch.” The history of Kibera is the history of displaced people who despite the lack of government investments, and a physical environment that would render the majority of the world’s population hopeless. It is not a large area about one square mile with tin roofed, mud floor homes no larger than 12 feet by 12 feet. Ngong Road a major thoroughfare brings you quickly from an adjacent affluent neighborhood to the Kibera within a mere 10 minutes. Though in close proximity, I am told that a majority, guessed to be about 85% of Nairobi residents have never entered Kibera. It is a busy place, with several markets, Makini Market being the largest. The markets are tight clusters of boards and benches and small shops, with interesting names, many handwritten. Everything the residents need to survive can be purchased right within Kibera. The children attend one of many schools, large and small. Toi, Moi and Kibera Primary Schools are the largest most prominent campuses. The economy is based on the extremely low incomes of the residents.

The Community Service Group in Kibera website, speaks of Kibera as residents experience it, “ Kibera “ However, despite the demanding lifestyles we face in Kibera, we have created our own community – that is sound and functioning. Businesses of all sorts and driven entrepreneurs are found in all areas. Indeed, we are not unlike much of Sub-Saharan Africa, which receives 75% of its services through the ‘informal sector.’ In Kenya, we call this part of our economy the ‘Jua Kali’ sector (Or ‘Fierce Sun’ sector).”

Kibera Through A Different Lens

According to Dr. Julia Amayo, there are no experts on life in Kibera other than those who live there and work there. People who live outside of Kibera, or come once or twice thinking they will have a Kibera experience miss what makes Kibera a place of hope over dispair. When writing the notes for this essay, I wrote that Kibera was violent. She told tells me to remove that, “Kibera is not violent, though like in any community there might be those who violate.” Tell her that much of what I read is that Kibera is a violent place. She challenges me to see Kibera without a learned bias, or prejudice. Then reminds me that this is why we are writing about our experiences as we “reconnect to each other as African American and Kenyan women doing our work. Our writings need to be different than those published by the people who see through a different lens. I spent four days in Kibera and I saw no violence among the people, to the contrary, I saw and met some of the most kind, friendly, industrious people I have ever met. I was humbled by how safe and welcome I felt among them.

So with a swab of Watkins Menthol salve under my nose, to mask the smells that are unfamiliar and unpleasant for me, a stranger to Kibera, I traveled throughout Kibera with Dr.Julia Amayo as my guide and mentor. With Dr. Amayo I am able to view Kibera and the people in ways that Harding, either missed or chose not to report. Who she is and how she views humanity is key to my orientation to life in Kenya. She tells me that she did not pick Kibera, God gave it to her. She used to be one of the Nairobi residents who never went into Kibera. She is a caregiver to two grandsons. She has buried two daughters and granddaughter victims of the two primary takers of life in Kenya, AIDS and road accidents. They attend private schools, through hard work and smarts, she is a woman of independent means . She lives in Upper Hills Estate a 10 minute drive along Ngong Road, past Royal Nairobi Golf Club to Kibera and her SACODEN offices. Dr. Amayo established this NGO after being taken to Kibera by a friend and meeting an orphaned girl, Damaris, who had been abandoned by her family. She knew she could and needed to make a difference for her and the many children by her.

Being in Kibera with Dr. Julia Amayo was a privilege and gave me a different view of Kibera and the children and caregivers who live there. Feed the Children infomercials display images of Kenyan children with fly filled eyes, and women idle and helpless. These images help them raise millions of dollars. I was privileged to be in the homes, schools, shops throughout much of Kibera, on several occasions over a period of three weeks. During the many visits I saw children with faces full of hope and women working together to create self sufficiency for their families. I saw children who are in need of medical care, and women who are struggling, but I did not see any who were sitting idly waiting for anyone to arrive to save them. Dr. Amayo makes me understand that all Kenyans do not have AIDS, that the help from international humanitarian aid, some are living with AIDS not dying. A poster prominently placed announces that the majority of Kenyans are not dying from AIDS even though most Kenyans are impacted by HIV/AIDS in some way.

Organized Chaos

Kibera is noisy, I think of it as organized chaos. Jua Kali ( hot sun) It is the industrial areas where welders, electricians, carpenters, and crafts people work outside in organized work and training. Without the introduction, I might think Tom Onyongo, the man who sits outside a small shop, might be just an man sitting on a bench all day watching others work. Mr. Onyongo is the Chairman of the Makini Market, the go to person, nothing gets past his observation. On one day Dr. Amayo drives her car carefully and expertly through the narrow pathways (it is difficult to associate them with streets) the respect she has in Kibera is shown by how people move to the side and greets here as she passes. She returns all greetings in kind. It is a meeting of USAID/CARE funding recipients. The topic is the new Monioring and Evaluation (M and E) reporting system. Dr. Amayo is a clear leader among her peers who are all associated with NGOs responding to the travesties associated with HIV/AIDS pandemic. On another day, I met the women who are part of SACODEN’s GSL and IGA organizing project. All are caregivers, most are living with HIV/AIDS and each are contributing 50 KSH a week. They all dressed up for this business meeting, those with outstanding loans are paying them back with a small interest. Eunice Okoth and Mzee are relatives of Dr. Amayo, this commitment to Kibera is a family affair. The women run their own meetings, and both support and hold each other accountable for the funds they share for startups and expansion of micro businesses.

Kiberans are finding and applying solutions that have positive outcomes. An example is home testing and counseling. The lower cost and better outcomes than other more costly approaches has made the solutions applied in Kibera a replicable method for combating HIV/AIDS. In a Standard Newspaper report, we are told that while only 40% of the general population of Kenya knows if they are HIV affected, 85% of Kibera adults know their status. Dr. Amayo has written extensively about HIV/AIDS impacts and solutions including what occur for the girl child.

Investing in SACODEN is an investment into the lives of 200 Kibera children, a small number if you consider that Kibera is home to an estimated 400,000 children. There are no census takers in Kibera, so no one really knows exactly how many there really are. During our time there, we were able to review impeccable reports and documentation of the outcomes of every dollar donated to their various projects. Through SACODEN the children and caregivers in Kibera receive school uniforms, shoes, sanitary napkins, meals, sweaters and blankets all the things that make it possible for them to attend the free public schools. The caregivers receive free training in business management, micro loans, and child care. I possess no romantic ideas about Kibera and the people there. They lack most things that we in the United States take for granted and what human development researches say are necessary for all humans, such as space, clean water, toilets, medical care and healthy environment. Likewise we learn that people adapt to their environment, create civil societies within these environments. Kibera and its residents have existed until recently without notice by much of the world until recently. Some work their way out, most do not. The solutions will come from looking deeper into the abilities, the contributions and the resiliency of those who live and work in Kibera. Those who are privileged to form relationships within Kibera should seek to find mutually beneficial outcomes. I am a better person for seeing life as it is in Kibera through their lens

Kibera A special Place, Empowered People

Kibera
A Special Place, Empowered People
by Dr. Dawn Mason

The Institute for Cultural Reconnection

DRAFT  DRAFT DRAFT

Kibera, Africa’s
Largest Slum

The residents of
Kibera
are all financially poor, relative to Kenya and world economy.
However poor is a word you do not hear in Kenyan conversation. Poor
is word used for a person without family and all Kenyans have a
family. The reports I researched invariably speak of the residents
in ways that could leave the average person without hope for the
children, their families or their future. Most who know of Kibera,
know of it through the many photographs that are easily found in
online web albums or attached to articles. This essay details a
different view of Kibera. Admittedly, as described in an October
2002, BCC article, Life
in Kibera, by East African Correspondent, Andrew
Harding, Kibera smells; “Wood fires, fried fish, excrement,
rubbish - the rich stench of 800,000 people living in a ditch.”
The history of Kibera is the history of displaced people who despite
the lack of government investments, and a physical environment that
would render the majority of the world’s population hopeless.
It is not a large area about one square mile with tin roofed, mud
floor homes no larger than 12 feet by 12 feet. Ngong Road a major
thoroughfare brings you quickly from an adjacent affluent
neighborhood to the Kibera within a mere 10 minutes. Though in close
proximity, I am told that a majority, guessed to be about 85% of
Nairobi residents have never entered Kibera. It is a busy place,
with several markets, Makini Market being the largest. The markets
are tight clusters of boards and benches and small shops, with
interesting names, many handwritten. Everything the residents need
to survive can be purchased right within Kibera. The children attend
one of many schools, large and small. Toi, Moi and Kibera Primary
Schools are the largest most prominent campuses. The economy is
based on the extremely low incomes of the residents.

The
Community Service Group in Kibera website, speaks of
Kibera as residents experience it, “ Kibera “ However,
despite the demanding lifestyles we face in Kibera, we have created
our own community – that is sound and functioning. Businesses
of all sorts and driven entrepreneurs are found in all areas. Indeed,
we are not unlike much of Sub-Saharan Africa, which receives 75% of
its services through the ‘informal sector.’ In Kenya, we
call this part of our economy the ‘Jua Kali’ sector (Or
‘Fierce Sun’ sector).”

Kibera Through A
Different Lens

According
to Dr. Julia Amayo, there are no experts on life in Kibera other than
those who live there and work there. People who live outside of
Kibera, or come once or twice thinking they will have a Kibera
experience miss what makes Kibera a place of hope over dispair. When
writing the notes for this essay, I wrote that Kibera was violent.
She told tells me to remove that, “Kibera is not violent,
though like in any community there might be those who violate.”
Tell her that much of what I read is that Kibera is a violent
place. She challenges me to see Kibera without a learned bias, or
prejudice. Then reminds me that this is why we are writing about our
experiences as we “reconnect to each other as African American
and Kenyan women doing our work. Our writings need to be different
than those published by the people who see through a different lens.
I spent four days in Kibera and I saw no violence among the people,
to the contrary, I saw and met some of the most kind, friendly,
industrious people I have ever met. I was humbled by how safe and
welcome I felt among them.

So with a swab of
Watkins Menthol salve under my nose, to mask the smells that are
unfamiliar and unpleasant for me, a stranger to Kibera, I traveled
throughout Kibera with Dr.Julia Amayo as my guide and mentor. With
Dr. Amayo I am able to view Kibera and the people in ways that
Harding, either missed or chose not to report. Who she is and how she
views humanity is key to my orientation to life in Kenya. She tells
me that she did not pick Kibera, God gave it to her. She used to be
one of the Nairobi residents who never went into Kibera. She is a
caregiver to two grandsons. She has buried two daughters and
granddaughter victims of the two primary takers of life in Kenya,
AIDS and road accidents. They attend private schools, through hard
work and smarts, she is a woman of independent means . She lives in
Upper Hills Estate a 10 minute drive along Ngong Road, past Royal
Nairobi Golf Club to Kibera and her SACODEN
offices. Dr. Amayo established this NGO after being taken to Kibera
by a friend and meeting an orphaned girl, Damaris, who had been
abandoned by her family. She knew she could and needed to make a
difference for her and the many children by her.

Being in Kibera with
Dr. Julia Amayo was a privilege and gave me a different view of
Kibera and the children and caregivers who live there. Feed the
Children infomercials display images of Kenyan children with fly
filled eyes, and women idle and helpless. These images help them
raise millions of dollars. I was privileged to be in the homes,
schools, shops throughout much of Kibera, on several occasions over a
period of three weeks. During the many visits I saw children with
faces full of hope and women working together to create self
sufficiency for their families. I saw children who are in need of
medical care, and women who are struggling, but I did not see any who
were sitting idly waiting for anyone to arrive to save them. Dr.
Amayo makes me understand that all Kenyans do not have AIDS, that the
help from international humanitarian aid, some are living with AIDS
not dying. A poster prominently placed announces that the majority
of Kenyans are not dying from AIDS even though most Kenyans are
impacted by HIV/AIDS in some way.

Organized
Chaos

Kibera is noisy, I
think of it as organized chaos. Jua
Kali ( hot sun) It is the industrial areas where
welders, electricians, carpenters, and crafts people work outside in
organized work and training. Without the introduction, I might think
Tom Onyongo, the man who sits outside a small shop, might be just an
man sitting on a bench all day watching others work. Mr. Onyongo is
the Chairman of the Makini Market, the go to person, nothing gets
past his observation. On one day Dr. Amayo drives her car carefully
and expertly through the narrow pathways (it is difficult to
associate them with streets) the respect she has in Kibera is shown
by how people move to the side and greets here as she passes. She
returns all greetings in kind. It is a meeting of USAID/CARE funding
recipients. The topic is the new Monioring and Evaluation (M and E)
reporting system. Dr. Amayo is a clear leader among her peers who
are all associated with NGOs responding to the travesties associated
with HIV/AIDS pandemic. On another day, I met the women who are part
of SACODEN’s GSL and IGA organizing project. All are
caregivers, most are living with HIV/AIDS and each are contributing
50 KSH a week. They all dressed up for this business meeting, those
with outstanding loans are paying them back with a small interest.
Eunice Okoth and Mzee are relatives of Dr. Amayo, this commitment to
Kibera is a family affair. The women run their own meetings, and
both support and hold each other accountable for the funds they share
for startups and expansion of micro businesses.

Kiberans are finding
and applying solutions that have positive outcomes. An example is
home testing and counseling. The lower cost and better outcomes than
other more costly approaches has made the solutions applied in Kibera
a replicable method for combating HIV/AIDS. In a Standard Newspaper
report, we are told that while only 40% of the general population of
Kenya knows if they are HIV affected, 85% of Kibera adults know their
status. Dr. Amayo has written extensively about HIV/AIDS impacts and
solutions including what occur for the girl child.

Investing in SACODEN
is an investment into the lives of 200 Kibera children, a small
number if you consider that Kibera is home to an estimated 400,000
children. There are no census takers in Kibera, so no one really
knows exactly how many there really are. During our time there, we
were able to review impeccable reports and documentation of the
outcomes of every dollar donated to their various projects. Through
SACODEN the children and caregivers in Kibera receive school
uniforms, shoes, sanitary napkins, meals, sweaters and blankets all
the things that make it possible for them to attend the free public
schools. The caregivers receive free training in business
management, micro loans, and child care. I possess no romantic ideas
about Kibera and the people there. They lack most things that we in
the United States take for granted and what human development
researches say are necessary for all humans, such as space, clean
water, toilets, medical care and healthy environment. Likewise we
learn that people adapt to their environment, create civil societies
within these environments. Kibera and its residents have existed
until recently without notice by much of the world until recently.
Some work their way out, most do not. The solutions will come from
looking deeper into the abilities, the contributions and the
resiliency of those who live and work in Kibera. Those who are
privileged to form relationships within Kibera should seek to find
mutually beneficial outcomes. I am a better person for seeing life
as it is in Kibera through their lens not my own.

1 Kibera A
Special Place, Empowered People

Hiding in WV

When in WV this is where I hide out. We love our WV house, it is old, in pretty good shape for the shape that its in, and provides us with a hideaway in a place no one really wants to be. We got the house for a steal and the mortgage is less than our monthly utility bill here.